Meat

Bill Bailey: There's a butcher at the end of my street. It's called "Halal... is it me you're looking for?"

- at the The Royal Variety Performance 2012

Life rules

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE: 
1. Money cannot buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the b@stard's name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

The Perils of Social Networking

Eat Shit & Survive

Oh Grief... this HAS to be the funniest thing I've seen all month!



Norman: Which book would you like for xmas??

A random conversation

Ronald's FB Status: Gay for Pay sparked a spirited discussion, including but not limited to the excerpt below. :)

Lyn: omfg that is so funny
Ken: I've got about $13.78 in my piggy bank, how much do you have? Good thing these G4P guys are always desperate
Ronald: ... $13.78???? I can't even buy Castle Crashers with that minuscule amount!!! pfff you a cheapskate ken. matt & me are painting the town red! (lol however you want to read that)
Lyn: HAHAHAHAHA You're only worth $13.78???!!!
Matt: That's like a billion yen so there's still that big number...
Lyn: here are hubcaps worth more than that... so pimping my car is going to cost more than pimping his ass??!!

She's so my sister!

When you're angry, don't plot to kill someone. Plan to make it look like suicide.
Courtesy of Ann's FB status.

Step away from the mangosteen salad and no one gets hurt...

Me: Where did your Chinese friend see Mich?
Sugee: Sao Nam, yesterday at Empire. When are we doing dinner again? I'm hungwee
Me: You're talking like you don't eat unless we meet! LOL
Sugee: which is almost true... have you not been listening to my mother in law cooking stories!

Phone booth/Parking meter

Another sample of why I love having lunch with Irene & how Irene enriches my life.

In some areas, instead of parking meters, they have self-serve  parking kiosks. Deposit coins, key in car licence plate number, place resulting ticket on windshield area for parking maids to verify.

Renu gleefully told me about the time Irene tried to get a parking ticket by inserting coins into a PUBLIC PHONE. The receiver was still on its rest, so the coins just kept shooting out into the receptacle. She turned to Renu to ask why this new machine wasn't working.

Renu laughed her head off, then proceeded to take picture of said phone kiosk for the "show" portion of show & tell. Irene's unsure if Renu knew it was a public phone and kept quiet just for comedic effect, or whether Renu herself didn't realise it was a phone booth till Irene asked her if it wasn't working.

Me? I'm still laughing. :D

Cooking School for Accountants

The School of Culinary Arts is parked under the Faculty of Business, Economics and Accounting.
I don't know why.

My boss: Cos they're teaching them how to cook the books.

OMFG that was BRILL!! And before 10am!
I never knew he was so witty.

Suit Musical

Barney Stinson.
Musical.
About Suits.
OMFG
It's BRILLIANT!!

Men in TuTus

I had the BEST time!!

They are ENTIRELY Hilarious!

Les Ballets Grandiva was a Perfect blend of technique and down out slapstick comedy. They were obviously Excellent dancers, classically trained, with a well developed sense of theatre and comedy.

The 13-man troupe regaled us with a pas de deux from Satine, The Dying Swan from Swan Lake, a 4-person bit from Tarantella and a bit about 4 Divas who were hired to dance on the same stage. The guy who put that together was obviously not someone who’s used to thinking! The entire 2^nd half consisted of Act 2 from Swan Lake, which was BRILLIANT!

The dudes dressed like dames batteried, pirouetted, plied and fouetted their ways into the stars in our eyes and the shaking bellies of our laughs. That they had dancers bodies, was an added bonus! There was this one guy (who was actually *playing* a guy) whom I called “Mr. Nice Buns” for obvious reasons. *giggle* Some kindly stayed in costumes for photo ops after.

If you’re ever in Pentas 1 of KLPAC, try to get seats in the centre portion of row Q. They are Really Good mid-price seats, with a nice view and no row behind you to kick your seats. Close to the exits too!

They said they’re coming back again for another round of performances later this year. If you haven’t seen them yet, you MUST!!

Eddie Izzard, you Queen of my heart

Norman had never heard of Eddie Izzard. In my quest to find clips to introduce Eddie to him, I fell in love all over again. :)

I find it sad that he eventually caved & stopped cross dressing...

15Malaysia

I'd just heard of 15Malaysia recently. Yes, I'm slow and generally clueless. It's a project where 15 Malaysian filmmakers make 15 short films about all things Malaysian, generally on a shoe-string budget. Some deal with Hillarious misconceptions and stereotypes (eg Potong Saga & Halal), whilst others tackle not-so-funny issues like nationalism, gangsterism, morality, etc.

I was Particularly surprised that One Future was allowed to exist. I would have thought that we weren't as tolerant as that. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.

Malaysians: I hope you get the pun on "Potong Saga". Yes, it's "chinkified" Proton Saga, but it's also literally Potong Saga. As in a saga about Potong. Yes, I am HIGHLY amused. *grin*

Some clips below, and official website is http://15malaysia.com

Halal:


Potong Saga:


One Future:

Please get ready...

Just a sample of why I love Irene, having lunch with Irene, and how Irene enriches my life. Renu, is subject for another story.

Irene:
I was in the bathroom near the pantry today when I saw a small, tiny, li'll cockroach wriggling on the floor. It looked like it was suffering. Like it was half dead. It was crawling across the floor painfully & difficultly.

Renu:
So you killed it?

Irene:
I put LOTS of tissue paper over it. Then I said a little prayer for it. Then I told it, "I'm going to put you out of your misery. Please get ready... I hope you reincarnate soon." Then I stepped on it.

Renu asked if Irene had flushed it after, but that was a dumb question. Irene would NEVER touch it. There isn't enough Dettol in the world.

Why you shouldn't add your boss in Facebook

Got this via email today:



HOLY CRAP!
I want to laugh, but I first have to pick up my jaw fr the ground.
"Dumb fuck" seems so inadequate.

Houston, we have problemces...

Head of Department, in a presentation during a Strategy Retreat:

"... we have to take action to rectify all our department problemces."

'nuff said.

------

Edit:
Actually, I might have misquoted him. I really didn't register ANY other part of the sentence except that last word.

Cost Rationalisation

Email fr my president:

Cost rationalisation is about cutting wasteful expenses or unwarranted expenses.
It's about spending wisely.
It's about cutting "bad costs' (a management term).
It does not mean we do not spend when we need to invest in growth and quality.

We need hand towels.
Cleanliness is godliness.

Thank you

-----
Reading between the lines, me thinks his bathroom has run out of paper towels.
Rest assured, Pres.
I've informed the cleaners.

Pearls before swine

Click on image for larger image.
http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/2009-06-14/

What's in a name?

A Heck of a lot!



Actual website here

Other languages need to be consulted before selecting names for kids/projects/products/etc.
For obvious reasons.

Cibai /chee-bai/; Hokkien; (n) - vagina.
A common swear word in Malaysia.

Kipsy Fatt

The durian pancakes in Du Viet (Uptown, same row as HSBC), are delectable.
This, however, is not a foodie post.

Said durian pancake came with a sprig of mint leaves.
What does Cheech suggest we do with the mint leaves?
What, pray tell?

"Who would like to slide the mint sprig between your butt cheeks?"
(And believe you me, the Cantonese version is WAY more hilarious)

There was a whole second of silence & blinking before the laughter and inevitable mocking began.

I do *not* know where the idea came from, but there was some vague reference to recent photos of some Chinese actress whose bf apparently sniffed her butt when applying lotion to her back & legs.

She's now registered in my phone under "Kipsy Fatt", which I suppose is an improvement from "Sex Change" ... but that's another story. *grin*